it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i was born a porn star she said
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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