Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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