dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
