The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
did you just send me my own nude
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
