I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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