I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am full of burrito and curiosity
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
