I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize