My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize