This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
