I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
