Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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