I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was like eating out sand paper
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
