She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
