Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We're too hungover to prance.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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