I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
