I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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