Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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