If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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