I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
