My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
