Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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