yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
