I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Randomize
