i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize