We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
