she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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