My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
