You're so nebulous sometimes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
