i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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