Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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