o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
