the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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