Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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