The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
