Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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