jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
