I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
