do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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