toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
