I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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