Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
