So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize