I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
