we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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