she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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