We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
