So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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