He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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