In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
