Only a mothe r could love this liver
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
