a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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