she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
