I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
