So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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