I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
