you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
