I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize