her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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