i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't deserve a penis
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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