I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
