tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
