is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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