Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
MIDGETS
????
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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