i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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