I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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