I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize