mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
