I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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