Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize