his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
